Penny’s Journal: Sneak Peak
PENNY’S JOURNAL: (Order on Amazon)
Fortune Lost
BY GINA DETWILER
For Cheri
A real-life Penny
The events in this book take place during the fifteen years that Jared and Grace were “missing” in the novel Forbidden.
I looked on as he opened the sixth seal,
and there was a great earthquake.
The sun became black as funeral clothing,
and the entire moon turned red as blood.
The stars of the sky fell to the earth
as a fig tree drops its fruit
when shaken by a strong wind.
The sky disappeared like a scroll being rolled up,
and every mountain and island was moved from its place.
Then the kings of the earth,
the officials and the generals,
the rich and the powerful,
and everyone, slave and free,
hid themselves in caves and in the rocks of the mountains.
They called to the mountains and the rocks,
“Fall on us and hide us from the face of the one
seated on the throne and from the Lamb’s wrath!
The great day of their wrath has come,
and who is able to stand?”
Revelation 6:12-17
YEAR ONE
GONE
May 14
Dear God,
Grace is gone. Again.
Yesterday, I was praising you for bringing her back after she and Jared had disappeared. That still seems like a bad dream. An EMP—electromagnetic pulse—hit downtown Buffalo, knocking out the whole power grid in a three-mile radius. There were all kinds of chaos, looting, and stories of a monster out of nightmares tearing up the streets like Godzilla. Jared and Grace went to investigate—they never came home.
But yesterday, I talked to her on the phone. She told a bizarre story of being kidnapped and flown to a castle in Switzerland by that lunatic Darwin Speer. But she and Jared had escaped, and now they were coming home. They just had to get new passports and wait for the airports to re-open after the explosion at CERN shut down half the country, but otherwise, they were fine. Everything was going to be okay.
And now they’re gone again. They never went to Bern to get their passports. They never bought plane tickets. It’s like they vanished into thin air. I called Grace’s phone a hundred times until it started going straight to voicemail. Ripley searched for her phone with GPS but could never pinpoint her exact location.
We’re holed up in a motel in Lackawanna because the EMP fried our generator. Ripley, Ralph, Miss Em, and me, along with many other “refugees” from the city. Ripley, our resident hacker, had to buy an old PC from a second-hand store—every place was sold out—and he’s searching hospitals and police stations in Switzerland to find Grace and Jared. The Swiss police and the US Embassy aren’t too interested in helping—they claim there’s no record of Jared and Grace being in the country. Apparently, even if you are kidnapped, you still have to go through customs.
Ripley did manage to track down the couple who helped Grace and Jared after they escaped from Speer. The wife said they had left in a van with their sister-in-law, Josephine, headed to Bern. There were a lot of sinkholes and aftershocks and strange seismic events following the explosion, so they think something happened to them on the road. But their search has come up empty.
Grace Fortune, Jared Lorn—where are you? Lord, can’t You tell us?
I don’t know how to tell Grace’s dad. Silas is still in the hospital, dying of lung cancer. He doesn’t have much time left, the doctors say. I was sure Grace would make it home to see him, but now…this will crush him.
At least he got to talk to her yesterday. He didn’t tell her how bad it was. Didn’t want her to worry. Typical Silas. He’s survived so much. He survived Shannon Snow, survived Lester Crow. Are You going to let cancer get him?
I know I should have more faith. Silas does. He’s not afraid. He’s ready to go home to be with You. But I want him to stay here until Grace comes home. I know I should be praying for Your will, not mine, but I can’t help it sometimes.
Ripley says Speer used the EMP to kidnap Jared. Sounds nuts to me, but he’s sure of it. Speer stole Jared’s DNA to create a “treatment” that cured his fatal disease, and he was planning to sell the treatment to other people. Speer claimed it would not only cure you, but it would make you practically immortal. Like Jared. It also might turn you into a psychopathic maniac. Speer didn’t seem concerned about that part.
He’s dead, they say. Speer. Died in his bunker when CERN blew up. At first, some people said he survived and was fine, then they said no, they were mistaken. That seemed a little strange. Why did they suddenly change their stories?
I feel bad for Ralph. He’s so…sad. Lost. He’s been Jared’s protector, his guardian angel, for almost all his life. I think he feels as though he’s failed somehow.
I have to go to class now. It’s hard to focus on studying with all this going on, but at least it gives me something to do, a distraction. I’ll visit Silas after. They had to move him to a different hospital after the EMP—it’s been a mess.
Maybe I should wait a while before telling him his daughter and son-in-law are missing again. They might still turn up. No need to worry him, right? He’s got enough on his mind. Better to let him hope.
I keep thinking of the man with the possessed child who said to You, “I believe; help me with my unbelief!” I get that guy, wanting to trust you, but still not understanding.
My psalm for the day. This was one of Grace’s favorites because it was all about singing and making music. For her, music was a weapon against the darkness, against fear, against despair, against evil. That’s why I read it today, but this part spoke to me the most.
We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
Let your unfailing love surround us,
Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
Psalms 33:20-22
❖
June 9
Dear God,
Back in the Hobbit Hole, finally. It’s good to be home after a month in a motel, but it’s so empty without Grace and Jared. I miss Jared’s guitar, Grace’s silly laughter.
Ripley’s gone into the Lair—he won’t come out unless he smells food. Miss Em stays in the kitchen, mostly. She bakes when she’s anxious. At least the smells are better than the motel, which always smelled like stale cigarettes.
Ralph sits in his chair with a book in his lap, not reading. I try to talk to him, ask him questions about stuff he used to love to talk about, but he barely hears me. I’m no substitute for Grace or Jared, I guess.
Still no clue what happened to them. Praying for answers.
Listen to my prayer, LORD!
Because of your faithfulness, hear my requests for mercy!
Because of your righteousness, answer me!
Psalms 143:1
❖
June 11
Dear God,
Today I got a call from Grace’s number—my heart skipped several beats. But it wasn’t her. Instead, a man said he was a police officer from Switzerland. They’d found Grace’s phone in a van on the CERN campus and called the last number she had dialed. My number.
I was confused. CERN? Surely, he meant Bern. That’s where Grace and Jared had been heading. But no, the officer said the van was at CERN—that place with the giant collider.
I put Ralph on the phone. Suddenly, he sat up straight, his eyes were wide open as he listened, his book dropping to the floor. He asked a lot of questions but didn’t seem to get very satisfactory answers. The police said they found the van in a wooded area, but there were no people—or bodies—around. There was a huge hole in the side of the van, perhaps the result of a bomb. But if it had been a bomb, where were the bodies? There was no charring, either, like one would expect from a car bomb. Nothing burned. The police were stumped as to what had caused the hole.
After he hung up, Ralph talked over the situation with Ripley. Maybe it was the monster, Ripley said. The Nephilim monster who had escaped the castle with Jared and Grace. I’d forgotten all about him. Was the monster in the van too? Why hadn’t Jared told us about it?
Or maybe it was Jared who did it, I said. Jared was a Nephilim himself, if not a fully formed one. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he knew Speer was in trouble and went to rescue him. Or worse, Jared had decided to join Speer, after all. But what had he done with Grace? And Josephine?
Ralph got up and went to his room, shutting the door behind him. I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t want to believe it either.
I need a word for today. Help me to believe.
whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you—
in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid.
What can mere flesh do to me?
Psalms 56:3-4
❖
June 12
Dear God,
Before class today, I went to visit Silas. He looked so much weaker and paler. He had an oxygen tube in his nose and breathed with difficulty. I was prepared to tell him the truth about Grace. I’ve been telling him that the airports haven’t reopened yet, which was the reason for the delay. But I couldn’t put it off any longer.
I didn’t have to say a word. He was too weak to talk, but he handed me a letter. The envelope said, “For Grace.” He smiled and nodded, and in his eyes, I saw he knew the truth and that he forgave me for lying to him. I shoved the letter into my backpack, holding back the tears that threatened.
I heard a soft knock behind me and turned to see someone standing in the doorway, holding a bunch of flowers. My mouth dropped open. It was Mace—Mason.
Let’s just say we have a history. Like, he tried to kill me back when he was a drug-addicted Satanist. But then he changed, found Jesus, and got rid of his demons, thanks to Ralph, and maybe me too. I helped with his deliverance. He used to work with Silas in the bike shop, but I hadn’t seen him since Grace’s wedding. I hadn’t been able to reach him—I thought he had just ghosted me.
His hair was combed neatly, and he was growing a beard which made him look so much older. He still had a nose ring, but most of his other piercings were gone. Mason? I said. I tried to hide how glad I was to see him.
He came over and did that bro-arm-clenching thing with Silas and said a few words about how much he appreciated Silas helping him recover and giving him an interest in fixing things. He had enrolled in auto mechanic school. I could see tears in Silas’ eyes. He was a former drug addict himself, so I think it made him happy to know he’d changed a life.
When Silas drifted off to sleep, I walked Mason out of the hospital. I told him I missed him, but I was proud of him going to mechanic school. He seemed really happy about that and a little embarrassed. He asked if I’d like to go for a cup of coffee with him. I said I had class, but then I invited him to the Hobbit Hole for dinner. It was kind of an impulse, but I knew Miss Em wouldn’t mind, and we all needed a distraction. I told him about Grace and Jared being missing—he was shocked.
I admit I had a hard time focusing during my class because I was thinking about Mason. It’s funny how you can forget the bad stuff about a person once they’ve changed. But even I was amazed at how much I had forgiven. Here I was, inviting a guy who tried to murder me over for dinner. Isn’t that kind of crazy?
I walk all around your altar, LORD,
proclaiming out loud my thanks,
declaring all your wonderful deeds!
Psalms 26:6-7
❖
June 14
Dear God,
Dinner with Mason was pretty fun. I was afraid it would be awkward, but Miss Em greeted him with one of her rib-cracking hugs and told him she’d made meatloaf because she remembered how much he loved her meatloaf. Ralph shook Mason’s hand and said he was glad to see him. Even Ripley came out of his lair wearing a clean T-shirt.
Mason talked all through dinner, telling us how he much he loved fixing cars, just like he used to love fixing bikes. His program will take a year to complete, but he already had a job working at an auto shop on Prospect. He told us a funny story about this lady who brought in her car saying it had a foul-smelling odor. It really did smell bad—stunk up the whole shop. The main mechanic couldn’t figure out what was causing the smell—there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with the car. So, Mason started poking around the interior and found a pound of hamburger, expired three months and covered in maggots, under the rear seat. The lady was so mad she had to pay for the service, she called her insurance agent to see if it was covered. Mason could hear the agent laughing on the other end.
Mason also peppered Ralph with questions about things in the Bible he didn’t understand. Like why did God curse the ground when Adam and Eve sinned? And why did God prefer Abel’s offering to Cain’s? And why did God send a worldwide flood and kill all the animals along with the people?
Ralph came back to himself as he talked to Mason, and for a while, things seemed to be almost normal. But as Miss Em served dessert—apple pie with ice cream—the subject turned to Grace and Jared. The light dimmed in Ralph’s eyes.
Are you going over there? To Switzerland? Mason asked.
Ralph and I looked at each other. It was a question we’d never asked ourselves before, the most obvious question.
I said maybe we should. Ralph said he would think about it.
Before he left, Mason asked if he could see me again. I said sure. We’re going out again tomorrow.
Thank You, Lord. For…everything.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good so
that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
Psalms 103: 1-5
❖
June 23
Dear God,
Silas is with You now.
It’s still hard to write that—to admit it’s true. I was there with him—the nurse called me at the library to say I should come. Ralph, Miss Em, and Mason came too. We sang “Amazing Grace” as he took his last breaths. I swear I saw angels surrounding his bed, singing with us.
My heart breaks for Grace. Maybe she’s already there, with You, waiting to greet him. Some part of me still believes she’s alive. Somewhere.
We had a memorial service at Silo City, where he was living when Grace found him. Mason tracked down some members of the Silo City Collective, a band that used to play together there on summer nights, to sing some of his favorite songs. Mason talked about how Silas showed him how to fix bikes and how much better it felt to fix things than to break them. A guy named Jim, a guitar player with the Collective, talked about the time Silas coaxed Jared to play guitar with them. I told of how Silas had protected Jared when Lester Crow made him join his demonic rock band, Blood Moon. Ralph gave a short sermon about how the biblical Silas had looked after and protected Paul just as Silas had protected Grace and Jared through the years. By the end, everyone was in tears, even Mason. Everyone except for me.
For some reason, I just couldn’t cry.
When the speeches were over, we drank punch, and Miss Em passed out cookies. We tossed Silas’ ashes over the Buffalo River, right outside the silos.
First Grace and Jared. Now Silas. Lord, I know you have everything under control, but…my heart hurts so bad. Help me understand.
When we got home, I went to my room, shut the door, and pulled Silas’ letter out of my backpack. I thought maybe I should read it. Why not? They’re both gone. But I didn’t. It’s not for me. Besides, I still had hope that Grace would come back. I would save it for her.
Then the door opened. I was about to yell at whoever had just barged into my room, but it was Mason. He asked if I was okay. I was kind of short with him and told him I was fine. Silas wasn’t my dad, after all. I told him he should go home.
He didn’t leave. He asked me about my real father. I said I had never met him. And then I told him the whole story. I did try and meet my father, once. My mother had told me his name. I went to his house. A woman came to the door, and I told her who I was. She called out for my father to come to the door and meet me, but he refused. She shrugged and said she was sorry and closed the door in my face.
I thought You were like that, once. A father who didn’t want to know me, who turned his back when I was born, and pretended I didn’t exist. I think a lot of people get their own fathers and You mixed up.
Mason told me his dad had left when he was a kid. Mason had put a hex on him, and he’d died of a heart attack. For years, Mason took credit for killing his father. When he first realized Jesus was real, he was so overcome with guilt—not just for thinking he’d killed his own dad, but for what he did to me and lots of other people—he wanted to kill himself. He couldn’t believe Jesus would forgive him. Silas had shown him that Jesus really did forgive. And heal.
That did it. The tears came pouring out of me. I sobbed so hard my stomach cramped. I bent over and felt Mason sit next to me, his hand on my back, telling me it was going to be all right.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
And death shall be no more,
neither shall there be mourning, nor crying,
nor pain anymore,
for the former things have passed away.”
Rev 21:4
❖
July 1
Dear God,
We’re in Switzerland, Ralph and me, at a little Gasthaus in Ste-Genis-Pouilly, the town where Jared was born. In 1859. So weird to think that.
Yesterday, we went to Schoenberg to meet the couple—Karl and Greta—who took in Grace and Jared after they escaped from the castle. Greta told us how our friends had come upon the home of her sister-in-law, Josephine, who lived over the mountain. They claimed to be lost American hikers. Josephine had driven them to Karl’s gas station so they could use the phone and internet. They had left the next day in Josephine’s van. Josephine was also missing, and they were worried. Now that her van had turned up in CERN, they feared the worst.
Greta told us that Josephine was “a little crazy” and had a lot of imaginary friends, but she would never do anything to harm others. When Ralph asked if anyone else had been with them, Greta translated for Karl, who shook his head. But he didn’t look at us. I had a strong feeling he was hiding something, but he never spoke a word.
We drove to CERN this morning in a little rented Citroen. Roadblocks prevented us from getting onto the campus. It took an hour of negotiating with the police to get us an escort to see the van once Ralph explained who we were. They said we could only stay for an hour due to possible radiation exposure.
Three Swiss officers accompanied us to the site. The van was half-hidden by trees in a remote area—no wonder it had gone unnoticed for so long. There wasn’t much inside—blankets, a bag of food, and a large cape with a hood made of fabric scraps. Ralph and I exchanged looks. Big enough to fit a Nephilim? I asked him. His eyes got wide, then they closed altogether. His shoulders shook like he was crying, but he didn’t make any sound. Was it the Nephilim? Or was it Jared?
We searched the woods but found no evidence of human or animal or monster remains. That was almost a relief. But as we came out of the woods, I noticed orange fencing covered by plastic tarps in the distance. What’s that? I asked the officer. The crater, he said. The site of the explosion. The police had thoroughly investigated it—there were no bodies in there.
But I could feel them.
I can’t explain it. You gave me a gift. Discerning spirits, Paul called it. It’s not something I asked for. Maybe because demons have hounded me for so much of my life—I know when they are present. My vision goes all gray and fuzzy, and my skin gets cold. And there’s a weight on my chest, like something pressing, making it hard to breathe.
Something was there. In that hole. A darkness like nothing I’d felt before.
My whole body shook like it might break apart. My legs went out from under me. I must have fainted. The next thing I knew, the officer was kneeling over me, his brows knit together. He helped me up and asked me if I needed water. I told him I was fine, took Ralph’s arm, and led him back to the car.
On the way to the Gasthaus, I told Ralph what I thought. There was something in that hole, an evil spirit perhaps. Could our friends have fallen in, never to be discovered? Or was it something else?
I opened my Bible and read this.
I would have despaired unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.
Psalms 27: 13-14
❖
July 3
Dear God,
The police said they would conduct forensic tests on the cloak found in the van, as well as the van itself, something they had so far neglected to do. When we get home, we’ll have to send some items—hairbrushes, toothbrushes, anything with Jared’s and Grace’s DNA. It’s going to be a long time before we get answers. Not that we are expecting any.
Last night, Ralph and I ate dinner in a small cafe in Geneva, and he told me about the early days when he was a boy, and Jared was his “big brother.” He told me stories I had never heard before about Jared’s travels into the Canadian West, when he got mixed up with some doomsday cult, and Ralph went out to rescue him.
I was always there to rescue him, Ralph said. No matter what sort of trouble he got himself into, I could always get him out of it.
I knew what he was thinking—he had failed this time. Why didn’t Jared confide in him? Why didn’t Jared tell him he was going to CERN? With a Nephilim monster?
I reached across the table and took his hand.
We’ll get through this, I said. It sounded lame, but it was all I could think of. And then I told him that I thought they were still alive. Otherwise, we would have found some trace of them. They’ll come home. I was sure of it.
He looked hopeful then. He almost smiled.
They’ll come home.
Won’t they?
But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
Hear my prayer, Lord, listen to my cry for help;
do not be deaf to my weeping.
Psalms 39:7,12
